Continued from here

No, really, we just stopped. Right before that, we had had a rash of really hot weather, and especially at night, nursing for 30-60 minutes seemed like the worst idea ever. Then I got a cold, and I took copious amounts of cold medicine simply to function, and bottle-fed Seth instead of trying to research if what I was taking was okay to pass along in my milk. One bottle led to another bottle, and then another…

I really beat myself up about it for a while. I had pictured Seth’s and my nursing relationship lasting longer, or, at the very least, involving some sort of weaning. A few months later, I read a story by another mama in the La Leche League magazine, who suddenly stops nursing her son while being pregnant with her daughter. It sounds dumb, but when I read that, I was so relieved to know that I wasn’t the only person who just suddenly stopped nursing their child. Fortunately, Seth never seemed too torn up about it, and we were already firmly attached. And, for better or for worse, I didn’t have to deal with any of the issues that come up nursing an older baby/toddler — ooh, like biting! I have been bit many times and in many places by Seth, but am pretty happy with my chest not being one of them.

As much as I make it out to be a roller coaster, I cherish Seth’s and my time nursing. I’m hoping I’ll have the opportunity to try adoptive nursing again; next time around, I’ll have a better idea of how to get my supply going, and can practice not feeling awkward about nursing in public.

I’ve mentioned nursing Seth a few times in the past, but have been meaning to write a big bare-all (har har) post for a long time. So now, before I forget everything entirely, here goes. (You can read about the preparations and first days here, here, here and here, so I’ll pick up around then…Remember, this may be TMI)

Seth had been getting Aria’s, my and even some of Grandma Gale’s, milk, along with homemade goat-milk based formula, via the SNS and bottles in California. Aria’s willingness to give Seth her milk, and put up with some awkward hassles during the whole thing, was a truly amazing, and not the easiest, gift for her to give him. I’m pretty sure he drank the last of Aria’s milk on the plane, so when we touched ground in WA, we were sans breast milk. We mixed up a new batch of goat formula, and I don’t know whether it was the stress of travel, or going from a lot to very little breast milk, or what, but Seth had super weird poos the next day or two (if you could even call them poos – they were basically brown liquid). Upon learning that goat milk can sometimes be tough on newborns’ kidneys, we made the switch to store-bought organic formula. It was kind of annoying to mix up, as we mixed it up as needed, and then had to pour it into the SNS baggie to give to Seth. So we still had to wash bottles, the SNS’s, and throw away plastic bags. Once Seth and I got the hang of it, though, I realized that I could simply stick the end of the SNS that would normally go into the baggie, right into the bottle. As long as he wasn’t too squirmy, we were set! I did spill a bottle’s worth a handful of times, but this cheater’s method saved a lot of prep time, as well as cleaning.

At some point (I wish I could remember exactly when!), Seth and I really hit our stride. Todd or I could mix up a bottle lickety-split, I’d plop boppy and baby onto my lap, latch Seth on to me and the handy SNS straw, and we would be off to nursing bliss. We also comfort nursed in addition to feeding, and that was wonderful too. Seth and I had learned how to do this as a team, and he was patient with me as my learning curve was a bit more steep :] We also received loads of support and encouragement from Todd, Gale, Heather, Aria, Brandy, Holli, and our moms, among others. It really does take a village…to adoptive breastfeed!

I was still pumping occasionally while Seth napped; and pumping + nursing Seth every once in a while, though that was quite a lot to juggle at once. I checked on the girls in the shower nearly every morning, delighted with being able to produce mama milk. I could even squirt wee little streams of milk! I also got blocked ducts — not fun. But, in comparing notes with other nursing mamas, as well as pumping for twenty minutes only to get maybe .25 oz, I couldn’t help but be discouraged about my supply. I drank Mother’s Milk tea, took herbal supplements, and co-slept – what else could I do? I could point to three possible causes for this — Seth slept almost through the night (due to formula filling him up? or just being an awesome sleeper at night?) so we weren’t nursing around the clock, and/or I hadn’t been aggressive enough building up my supply before he was born, and/or my everloving hormone imbalance. Fortunately a number of people reassured me that he was getting more milk from me than I would be able to pump, and besides, it was more about the closeness than nutrition.

I got a really special present that first mother’s day from Auntie Heather that is a heart of my milk and a heart of Aria’s milk, cast in resin, and made into a necklace. A friend also helped on the nutrition front. A nursing mama had time and abundance enough to give us a number of bags of her “boob juice” (on top of tandem nursing – whoa!). Every time I defrosted a bag and gave it to Seth, I imagined it being such a special treat – like only ever eating fro yo or ice milk or something, and then getting gelato!

Despite all this good stuff, it was still hard. Maybe I was suffering a bit from post-adoption depression (sounds made up, but it’s totally a thing :/), or maybe feeling isolated as new mothers sometimes do, or whatever, but when Seth was around 7 months old, I started feeding him from a nippled bottle more and more. Todd or a grandparent had given him these, but I rarely had to this point. We had nursed and nursed and nursed, and then…stopped.

To be continued! Soon, I promise!

Thursday afternoon: After waiting for over 10 months for an answer from our first lender regarding the loan modification we submitted, we get their proposal in the mail!

Thursday evening: Seth screams through dinner (probably because he has learned to recognize that tone of voice Mama uses when talking about house stuff) so Todd and I don’t get a chance to talk about it then. Then I have to work the rest of the evening, and by the time I’m done, Todd is headed to bed. I stay up late writing my own husband an email about the stuff that we couldn’t talk about in person. :[

Friday morning: Todd replies to my email, and I steal a few more moments to send an email to the specialist who put together our loan modification. After sending it, I put on a kids CD and plop down with Seth on the couch to read a book. Moments later, the phone rings; it’s our specialist. I’m impressed with her getting back to me so quickly, but also caught a little off guard, and slightly annoyed that she didn’t respond in kind with an email. Anyway, we proceed to have the most stressful 10 minute phone call ever, and the music doesn’t help, and Seth screaming and crying for, oh, 9 of those 10 minutes doesn’t help either. I finally end the call by saying that I’m having a really hard time focusing on this right now, but it would be super awesome if she could write me an email to reply to my questions. By this time, I am shaking with anger, and so frustrated that I just want to cry–but the tears won’t even come–, or run screaming out the door, or something. I do end up yelling, literally, “Arrrrghghghghg!!” and then call Todd. Seth, meanwhile, is still wailing, but I take the time needed to relate to Todd the previous ten minutes of my life and then punctuate it with, “and your child won’t stop crying!” Within about a minute Todd is able to talk me calmer (with his supreme empathizing abilities, and also by promising to call our specialist himself instead of making me deal with her again) , and five minutes after that, I have apologized to Seth for losing it, and we’re back on the couch reading, snuggling, and on our way back to normal.

But later: I felt pretty bad about what had gone down. I felt bad about not getting off the phone sooner–both for my own and Seth’s sanity, and about letting myself get so worked up. But what was especially hard was having said “your child” like it was derogatory. Like I wanted to distance myself from him, like I could point blame at Todd (and not myself nor Seth himself, even!) for Seth’s behavior. When in reality, I am the proudest mama of this amazing little human. And I get sick of hearing myself using ‘that tone,’ so I can only imagine what Seth as a child must be thinking! …Hmm, I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but to sum up, Friday sucked, and then it got better.

And after some serious thinking and amazing talks with Todd this weekend, and finally getting to say “Alleluia!” again (Alleluia! Alleluia!), maybe this crazy hair-pulling breakdown was exactly what I needed to provide some clarity on where my head and heart need to be.

Seth’s 7th tooth is finally coming in! It’s been forever since a new tooth, we had almost resigned ourselves to having a child who enters college with only six teeth. His nose started running yesterday, and last night, he woke up crying a few times during the night. The first time, a little milk put him back to sleep. The second time, we tried giving him ice water which worked a little, and I tried rocking him with abysmal results. He still hurt and was pretty inconsolable. Then Todd went and got a cold, wet washcloth. In the past, Seth has liked sucking and gnawing on it. He went to back to sleep easily this time with the washcloth in his…hand. Every time after that when he woke up and was upset, I noticed it was because the washcloth had fallen out of his hand. I simply put it back in his hand, and Seth would quickly settle back to sleep.

My husband: a genius. My son: weird.

Who would have thought that it would take longer to blog about Christmas than to celebrate it? Here’s the condensed version of what’s left to be told. Let me know if you want more details behind any of this!

Christmas morning, our house
Stockings and presents for Todd and Betsy (Seth got his the day before)
Ricotta doughnuts! So good!
Rushing around like crazy, trying to pack for two days out of the house

Christmas day, Betsy’s parents house
Brunch with the family
Opening presents – Seth loved helping!
Nap time for baby, reading and family time for parents
Delicious pot roast feast

Good helper
Good helper
Seth with Aunt Sarah
Looking at toys with Aunt Sarah
Seth on Grandma's lap
Spending time with Grandma
Pot roast, carrots, potatoes and baby
Pot roast, carrots, potatoes and baby

Christmas night/day after Christmas, Todd’s parents house
Seth fell asleep in the car, and was successfully moved to the crib without waking!
Great time in the evening just talking and playing games
Cinnamon rolls in the morning
Aunt, Uncle and cousins arrive
Open presents
Eating cioppino (Italian seafood stew) for lunch
Waffles for dinner, and then back home.

Face full of breakfast
Face full of breakfast
Trying on his cousin's clothes
Trying on his cousin Annika’s new clothes
New truck!
New truck! (He LOVES this truck.)
Three generations of Voelker men, cooking together
Three generations of Voelker men, cooking together

Trouble for his parents today, trouble for your daughters’ hearts 17 years from now…

With a baby as active, curious and destructive as Seth, “baby-proofing” has always been a relative concept. The only way we could make things completely safe would be to put him in a featureless room with rubber walls, and then, there would still be the question of which we were trying to keep safe – our precious baby boy, or all of the books, pictures, electronics, toys and other things that he loves to chew and throw and mutilate.

His favorite activity is exploration, and he spends all day walking around and looking for something new or different that he hasn’t seen or tasted yet. His physical skills are still well beyond his capacity to recognize danger, though, so we spend a lot of time following him around, encouraging him when he sees something interesting and lifting him up to get a closer view, and doing our best to keep him our of harm’s way. (He still bonks his head at least once a day, despite our best efforts, but after a few hugs and kisses, he’s back on his way).

There’s really no way to make a house 100% safe for him or for our property without making it unlivable for the adults. That means there’s a number of places where he’s not allowed to go or things he’s not allowed to do, like chewing on books or yanking the Christmas tree over. We’ll correct him with a gentle “no-no” or “uh-uh”, and redirect his energy to something exciting in a safer part of the room.

About 2 months ago, he started to show that he understood the difference between what he was allowed to do and what he wasn’t – he’d stay away from turning off the computer or opening the cabinets he’s not allowed in, and play happily with the things he was allowed to touch. This has made things easier for everyone, and peace and happiness reigned in our kingdom (in relative terms, of course).

However, in the last week, he’s come up with a new game. He’ll intentionally go to the oven or another forbidden area, touch it, and look at us, waiting for a reaction. As soon as we move to redirect him to something else, he starts laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world. We’ve created a rebel! And not only that, but a rebel who openly mocks our authority and laughs in our faces!

The motivation behind this is pretty obvious, too. These little acts of rebellion almost invariably happen when we’re trying to work on something on the computer or watch a bit of TV. He might be the happiest guy in the world, playing by himself quietly, but as soon as he notices that our attention is directed elsewhere, he begins acting up. I want to tell him, “Seth, misbehaving as a plea for attention is such a cliché. Can’t you try something a little more original than that, like learning how to yodel as a plea for attention? Or, at the very least, make your mischief more spectacular. By next week, I want to see you robbing banks or counterfeiting expensive works of art, not something silly like chewing up the spines of your books.”

Of course, as soon as we turn off the TV or computer and get down on the floor to play with him again, he wanders off, content to play by himself and ignore his parents. It feels less like he’s hungry for our attention, especially as he gets that attention 95% of the day, and more like he’s just jealous of us using the remaining 5% of our attention on anything other than him.

As Seth grows up into a little boy with his own personality and likes and dislikes, we’re all adjusting to being part of a family. We’re trying to show him positive attention and interaction as much as possible during the good times, keeping the corrective attention short and to the point, and figuring out times when Mom and Dad can relax without Seth feeling underappreciated. It works fairly well for everyone, and even in the last week, we’ve noticed Seth’s acting up has started to calm down. It should be noted, though, that I’m typing this on the bus on the way to work… there’s no way Seth would give me enough time to type this at home.

Just kidding! The mobile kept Seth distracted for, oh, three diaper changes, and now he’s back to trying to claw his way off of the changing table. Oy. Cross your fingers that it’s just a phase!

Seth is active. As in really, really active. About the only time he is still is when he’s asleep. Diaper changes have been increasingly difficult. For a few days I was able to charm him with a few rounds of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” but its novelty soon wore off. So what does a parent do when their child would rather show off their rolling and scooting skills than lay back for two minutes, other than use the diaper to wipe the gathering sweat from their (the parent’s) frustrated brow? Why, they run out and buy a photo mobile!

We thought of the idea this morning, bought the mobile while out this afternoon, and had it hung soon after dinner — a rare feat of efficiency in the Eelfang household. Someday we’ll put photos on it, but since Seth can’t appreciate them from down below anyway, for now it just has a couple of Chinese paper lanterns and pieces of origami paper. It’s not going to turn heads at hip kid sites like Ohdeedoh, but we had the first calm diaper change in ages this evening. Success!

Cheap Mobile

I don’t know if we’ve mentioned this yet, but we have been staying this whole time with Aria’s family. Yeah, they’re that awesome. Gale and Dave are two of the most welcoming people I’ve ever met, and am tearing up a little bit even now thinking about it. Gale, especially, is a font of inspiration, knowledge, and experience. I had a minor freakout today…wanting Seth to be as happy and healthy as possible + not knowing how to always make that happen + lack of sleep had me pretty overwhelmed (and I’m sure it won’t be the last time). But Gale gave me encouragement and troubleshooted the situation. Truly my hero.

Gale and Santa's little helper
Big Dave and wee Seth

Next post about having our niece and nephew over for the weekend. This one will be pretty short, in hopes that it’ll entice me to write more sooner.

One mantra that we kept repeating to ourselves over the weekend with Saben and Annika was that “when we get a child, it’ll be a newborn that can’t move far, and it’ll (probably) be only one of them”.

Having our first over-night parenting-type experience be with two children, both very much ambulatory and both rather high on energy, was exhausting. Saben would be running around, demanding that we make spaceship noises for his rocket, while Annika wandered off into another room, while the third kid was busy spilling Legos all over the floor, and the fourth kid was asking for a glass of milk, and the fifth kid was refusing to drink any milk, and the sixth kid needed a diaper change, and the seventh kid was busy reminding us that all of this movement and noise was actually only coming from two kids.


The key to good parenting, I have found, is to make your wife handle both children at once, feeding both of them while her food turns increasingly cold, while you fiddle around with your camera and try to line up the perfect shot:

… or maybe that’s just the key to getting dirty looks and exasperated sighs from your wife. I often get those two confused.

Taking care of the kids was definitely a two person task, and by the time we got them down to sleep for a little while, caretaker nap time was a two person task as well. I kept thinking back to some great advice that I got from my friend Doug the other day:

Parenting might seem really scary right now from the outside, but you learn what needs to be done. And the great thing is that you’re growing as a parent at the same pace as the kid – when you first bring them home, all they need is a diaper change and some milk, so you learn those skills, and you’re good. A few days later, they need a bath, so you learn that skill, and you’re good again. And as they grow up, they keep on making these small, incremental growths, and you learn your lessons as a parent in small, manageable pieces as you go along with them.

It’s really reassuring to remember that – the child will be as inexperienced being a human as we are being parents, and we’ll learn at the same time. And as long as I remember to put down the camera and help wipe up the spills, we’ll both have good teammates by our sides.

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