the eelfang chronicles

To our little wiggle worm, cuddle bug, sweet pea, handsome young man,

You are two months old today! We can’t believe how quickly you are growing – you went to the doctor today and weighed 12lbs 7oz, which means that you’ve increased over 50% in size since we first met you! You’re also up to 24 inches long now, which is in the 80th percentile – your Dad is already looking forward to teaching you how to shoot a basketball.

You love going for walks outside, staring at the bookshelves behind the couch, lying on your changing table and looking up at your parents, cuddling up beside Mom she sleeps, hanging out with Dad on your play-pad, and of course, eating, eating, eating! I can’t believe how much milk can fit inside such a tiny young man. You also LOVE your bathtime – you’re going to be a great swimmer when you grow up.

You dislike falling asleep, and you dislike waking up even more – you should hear how you fuss when you first wake up in the morning! You are normally pretty good about diaper changes, but when they come in the middle of the night, you’re definitely going to let your complaints be known. You’re not a big fan of when Mom and Dad turn off music and listen to NPR, but you’re getting used to it. And even though Mom and Dad are holding you or talking to you 99% of the time when you are awake, that last 1% is simply unacceptable in your view.

You’ve started smiling at us, and the big grins you give when Mom tickles your face or when Dad first comes home from work melt our hearts every time. Those smiles are the greatest gift you could ever give us, and you amaze us everyday with what a beautiful little boy you are turning out to be.

All our love,
Mommy and Daddy

Before I leave for work in the morning, I always stop by the bedroom to give Betsy a goodbye kiss and see Seth one more time. Normally, Seth is asleep at that time, and as I know that any touch from me will wake him up, I restrain myself and just whisper a few words to him.

This morning, when I walked in, Seth was wide awake and murmuring softly to himself as he scanned the ceiling and walls. When he saw me, though, his eyes lit up and he got a big grin on his face. Oh man… That’s definitely going to keep me warm at work today.

After kissing him goodbye and leaving the room, he started fussing more vocally, and Betsy had to wake up and feed him. She wasn’t particularly enthused to be waking up at 6am with the very strong possibility that Seth wouldn’t be going back to sleep again. I wish I could have taken him with me to work today, and given Betsy a day to take naps for hours and hours…

Ladies and gentlemen, we have smiles! Technically, Seth had been smiling for weeks, but it was always accompanied by toots, or when he was drifting off to sleep. Last Wednesday, though, I smiled at him, he looked right in my eyes and smiled back, and not a toot in sight! Todd was very skeptical, but was won over as Seth smiled again and again. Depending on his mood, of course, he’ll smile when we’re smiling big and talking to him, making pffft noises, or kissing his hands/tummy/sweet face. So. exciting.

The evening before I went back to work for the first time, I was holding Seth in my arms. As I looked down at him, I realized that I was going to miss a major portion of his life. If I’m away from home 10 hours a day (including commute), 5 days a week, and sleeping 7 hours a night, I’m only in the house and awake for 40% of the week. That means there’s a very good chance that I’ll miss his first steps, that I’ll miss his first words, and so many other milestones in his life.

For the first time in my life, going to work is filled with a very real sense of loss. I’d always preferred weekend and vacation days over the work days, of course, but the deal seemed pretty equitable on the whole – I’d give up a third of my week in order to have a nice place to sleep for another third of the week and food, entertainment and other opportunities for the other third.

Leaving Seth at home, though, changes the balance of the deal significantly. Suddenly, the thought of building a cabin in the woods and living off the land doesn’t sound so crazy anymore. Could we live off of nuts, berries and whatever vegetables we could convince the land to grow? Could I finally write that novel I’ve been meaning to start for over a decade now, and find that big publishing deal that would allow me to stay at home and write? Or are there any tech companies out there who really need to contract out some work to a independent consultant with a wide-ranging but not significantly deep skill set?

I’m not sure if I’d be ready to work at home even if that was a choice, though. I have to admit that the first day I got on the bus to ride to work, I spent the first 30 minutes just marveling over the fact that I could just sit there, listen to music, and read a book, and that I didn’t have any diapers to change or dishes to clean. It felt pretty great, actually. I started feeling guilty about feeling great, though, and by the time the bus ride was over, I was missing my family so much I almost turned around and got on the next bus back home. I still feel that weird mix now, after a couple of weeks back at work – every night, I can’t wait for the bus to get home so I can see Seth and Betsy, but I also wish the bus would slow down and give me time to watch one more episode of Battlestar Galactica or read another chapter in my book.

But every time I come home, I vow to never leave the house again. Holding Seth in my arms after a long day at work can only be described as a rapturous experience – the amount of love I have for the little guy is overwhelming at times. It’s the highlight of my day every day. At the end of the day, when Betsy has gone off to get a headstart on sleep, and I’m walking him around in circles in the living room/kitchen, I sometimes wish that he would stay awake just a little longer for me so that I could keep looking into his eyes.

Looking into his little face, I realize why I work – it’s no longer for me, for Betsy, or for our mortgage. Everything I do is focused on making a better life for him.

My favorite people ever

My sister came over on Saturday, and she took some beautiful pictures of Seth. I think they turned out great – probably the best pictures of him I’ve seen yet. Click on the photo to see a larger version!

During the photography, I noticed that he was starting to get a little extra squirmy and that his little man was starting to move around like some action was imminent. I calmly walked into the other room, grabbed a little pee-pee teepee and returned and positioned it appropriately on him. Betsy said something along the lines of “oh, I don’t think that he’s going to… oh”, and her sentence was cut off by him using the pee-pee teepee for what it was made for. I felt like a totally awesome dad for picking up on those signals and getting prepared just in time.

After we cleaned him up, we continued photographing him in the nude, and he ended up peeing 3 other times, and I didn’t predict or prepare for any of them. We ended up with showers of pee all over our clean white blanket. Well, a 25% success rate isn’t too bad.